Manmeet’s Blog

Hey dude, love your attitude. You keep pitching the phone chicks. Keep us posted on your score.
Chuck

Thank you thank you. I had to ask Boss Toad what “pitching” meant. I am already having trouble with what he calls “small talk.” He says there is a skinny line between small talk and pitching. He says, small talk is the small words that open the door and make them give some small words back. You pass the small words back and forth until you are friendly. But pitching is very very hard. Sometimes they invite you in for tea but sometimes they shut the door in your face. Today the planets were not in line for good calling. So I did the small talk mostly, little “How’s the weather in Topeka Kansas?” Or, “Is the corn growing tall in Masontown, Pennsylvania?” But that girl, she said: “How did you know I was in Masontown?” She sounded very angry. I told her I have my area code chart. She said I was invading her privacy! I told her I would never do that! I am very respectful and interested in true love and marriage for life only! She began to laugh very very loud and long. I didn’t know what was so funny, but it was better than her being mad. So she asked me, how is the weather in India? I was happy to tell her it is sunny and would she like to visit? First she said she’d like to purchase Astrology Placemats Item number 4055, one of our most popular items. She said she liked my voice and perhaps she’d call tomorrow because she liked the Astrology glasses also. So, today I learned what Mr. Toad meant by “skinny line between small talk and pitch.” She almost shut the door in my face, but then she decided to let me in.

Hello, my name is Manmeet and I have a problem. The overwhelming desire of all mothers is for their sons to marry well and quickly. But my mother was gone before she could arrange for me to be with the perfect girl. That is why I must find her myself. That is why I love working with a call center. I get to talk to many girls every day. I keep a map of the United States over my desk. I know by your area code when you call me, wanting to order a Cheese Head Item Number 1083, that you are from the lovely state of Wisconsin where you love corn and cereal killers and your state bird is a red robin and your flower is a violet. These are what Mr. Toad calls “conversation starters.” Mr. Toad also says I must use these to sell more items, not to meet my bride-to-be. But I must arrange my own marriage because my poor mother couldn’t. I do it to honor her.

Mr. Toad also gave me the most famous Humphrey Bogart line to practice. I like Bogart because he was not so handsome but he found the perfect girl anyway. So I say to the girls that call from Ohio or Florida or Wisconsin: “Of all the call centers in the world you could have called, you had to call mine…” Sometimes the girls say: “Huh?” Or, “No, I said I wanted the Eagle Head Item Number 9301.” To them I say, “Good Choice!” And I take their order, but I am secretly thinking about how their state animal is just a lowly badger, so they were not meant to be my bride. But if they laugh? I say, “Your state tree is the most beautiful, the Sugar Maple!”

It’s like I asked Mr. Toad about the rubber erasers, “Does it work?” So, I am asking you, do you think it will work? Will I find true love through a call center?