Aunti-Ji’s Blog

Dear Aunti Ji,
You are wonderful, but have you ever heard of Women’s Liberation? If you’re always ironing everyone’s underwear, who’s ironing yours?
Sincerely,
Alma May
Mississippi

Good question, Alma May. But not a question I ever ask myself. It’s like Mr. Toad and his bitter coffee. The more I sneak sugar into his cup, the more he likes it. He thought he didn’t like sugar in his life, but he was so busy busy busy he was as bitter as my oldest rooster’s blind eye. He was always making these facing like he was sucking a lemon. Now he smiles more, with a little extra sugar in his life. I don’t have time for bitterness. I see you are from Mississippi. I know that down there you have that nice music you call the blues. If you listen carefully to it, you will see that the blues are funny and happy, like sugar in bitter coffee. Well, I have to go. That old man whose name I forget that lives with me is gathering dust, I must get the Pink Feather Duster Item number 28 that Mr. Toad kindly gave me, and dust him off but good.

You’re probably wondering who that old man is in the chair behinds me that pretends to sleep all day but suddenly jumps up when he thinks of something dirty or rude to say. So am I, I am wondering too! Who is he? Did he used to be my husband? Who is he now? It is the one thing I can’t figure out in my life.

Because the secret to this world is that women do everything for men, but it is the women that know all things and keep the world afloat. I know all that goes on in my house. I know that my new guest Mr. Toad sneaks food over the wall. Mr. Toad is a little slow in the brain and in the heart, but most people from fast places tend to be slow to find the real things in life. This is nothing to worry about, because it will all happen in time as it should for Mr. Toad. In the meantime, I am horrified that Mr. Toad had no one at home ironing his underwear. He had no one to fatten him up. What kind of place is this America that he comes from? He got here skinny and wearing wrinkled underwear. But he has Aunti Ji now, and I will take care of everything. Perhaps I will even find him a wife, what do you think?

I have to go now. That old man in the chair that may or may not be my husband is making some noise like he needs feeding.